The petunia withereth, the Mariners choketh. And it’s only the bottom of the 5th®
Take heart, Mariner fans!
The excitement of the 2018 season is just getting started. Now that the Mariners are officially, gracefully, thankfully, mercifully, and without fanfare, eliminated from the postseason, who will be named Playin’ In The Dirt’s 2018 Ex-Mariner of the Year?
Exactly… ummm… 144 days until pitchers and catchers report.
The suspense was palpable last autumn as Playin’ In The Dirt’s sole loyal verified reader #ericfromspokane stepped up before the 2017 playoffs even started and named Chris Taylor as the obvious choice. Taylor proceeded to knock Dallas Keuchel’s first pitch of Game One over the wall for a 1-0 Dodger lead.
This was cool. It was also not enough.
Maybe if they’d actually won the Series…
When the fellas in the home office here at Playin’ In The Dirt ignored Taylor to go outside the lines, outside the country, and outside any active playoff roster, to hand the 2017 award to Munenori Kawasaki, #eric went dark. No comments or input from him in nearly a year make us wonder over here…
Does anyone even read this shit anymore?
No matter. It’s the love, the iron grip that little round ball still holds on us, the solid joy in penning this blog… are you buying this?
Let us proceed. Here are your 2018 nominees. Ex-Mariners all, these eleven men will shortly be doing something they never did with our beloved home town squad: playing baseball in October.
JA Happ, Yankees. Remember Michael Saunders? The Condor’s ten long frustrating seasons in the Mariners organization as the promise of the future (read: this is all we got from our farm system, well, that plus Ackley/Zunino/Seagar) finally ended when he went to the Jays for JA Happ. Happ returned to the Jays in a slippery hat-trick that left us with nothing but empty, greasy fingers, which is sadly nothing new, and since his mid-2018 trade to the Bombers he’s 6-0, 2.39 in 9 starts down the stretch. He’s sporting a 3.2 WAR for all of 2018. Meanwhile the Condor was released by six different MLB teams in less than a year, ending in June of 2018. I mean, how do you even… never mind. Let it go.
Shawn Kelley, A’s. Another Mariner draft baby, this one out of Ballard HS… easy there, Seattle faithful, it was Ballard, Louisville, KY… and no, we don’t remember him well either. But we got Abraham Almonte for him, Almonte who then went to the Padres, Indians, and Royals before his .179 BA caught up with him and he got released last July… but we’re fuzzy on most of those four years Kelley was here, 2009-12, even with his catchy “Bak-Pak” nickname, what is that? Since then, Yankees-Padres-Natinoals and now a midseason trade to the A’s where he’s gone 1-0, 1.38 in 15 appearances / 13 IP. Laugh all you want, Shawn’s in the playoffs.
Fernando Rodney, A’s, was just here, what, last year, right? Actually no. With this guy you blink and he’s changed teams. Maybe twice. The 41-year-old has seen 6 teams, and put up 86 saves, in 3-1/2 seasons since leaving Seattle for Chicago – and he went there a year too early to get a ring. He’s not in the closer role for Oakland, but he’s waited a long time for this one. Bummer he’s got a one-game wild-card matchup lurking with the greatest team in sports.
Tyler Olson, Indians. Meh. Drafted by the Ms, then after only 11 appearances (yeah I don’t remember either) he went to the Dodgers for the infamous #playertobenamedlater, who never appeared to be named. Four teams later, he’s with the Indians, where his negative WAR and 5+ ERA, well, pretty much no playoff roster for Ty.
Yonder Alonso, Indians. Alonso’s long gone over yonder to Cleveland. Can we stop taking these damn A’s first basemen, grinding them down and turning them loose on the league? We sent Boog “No Dammit Not That Boog” Powell to the A’s for Alonso in 2017, then tossed Yonder out in the street to sign Ryon “Where Will I Be Next Year ‘Cuz It Sure Won’t Be Here” Healy, our 3rd straight first baseman that wasn’t good enough to play for the A’s. Meanwhile Alonso has rebounded with a 1.2 WAR for 2018, hitting .242, with 23 HR and 79 RBI. Wouldn’t that be cool to see him up against his old team? What are the odds?
Chris “Second Chance” Taylor, still with the Dodgers. 3.7 WAR while leading the league in strikeouts, yeah that is not a typo, and with Manny Machado in town, our man’s been all over the place, 2B, PH, SS, LF, CF, but you never know. A guy with another shot to take the title, he’s just flat dangerous. Wonder what #ericfromspokane thinks this year. Maybe he’s still too butt hurt to comment.
Mike Montgomery, Cubs. Speaking of second chances, our 2016 winner is still there, 2 years after saving game 7 for the Cubs. Gotta believe taking that second title is even harder than having a second chance at winning it for the first time.
Steve Cishek, Cubs, are you kidding? Talk about a guy who deserves something damn good happening to him, this dude was abused and chewed up by our fabulous “Seattle nice” fans. Shit Shack, they called him. With the Cubs, he’s 4-3, 2.32 in spot relief, with more appearances than innings, 75K/25BB, 1.9 WAR. Maybe he’ll get featured on this year’s version of Nike’s greatest ad in the history of television.
Wade Miley, Brewers. We lose a Wade, get a Wade, meanwhile we lose Smyly along with Miley, that plus, well, didn’t these guys all have those Civil War beards, well, except for clean-shaven New Wade, plus Old Wade has a nice trim beard now, and it’s all so confusing, but Old Wade is 5-2 in 14 starts, 2.08 for the Brewers, so hey. Come on baby. Go Wade. ‘Cuz beards.
Speaking of the Brewers…
If Eric Thames was in a movie…
Eric “Who? Really, that guy played here?” Thames, Brewers. If there’s justice and love and the grip of baseball and the Ross Eversoles in this world, Thames will rock the postseason, come out a hero, and fade to oblivion with the 2018 Ex-Mariner of the Year trophy in his iron grip. Dude hit .220 in 40 games for the 2012 Ms, started 2013 in Tacoma, went to the Orioles but never made the bigs, spent the rest of 2013 in the Venezuelan League and all of 2014, 2015, and 2016 in Korea before resurfacing with the Brewers in 2017 and heading straight to their big league roster, rolling up 551 PA on the year. This man loves the game, or maybe like Richard Gere he’s just got nowhere else to go, but in any case he deserves an award. This one or something else for just letting that ball grip his life. Here’s to the Korean Industrial League and its own version of the Ross Eversoles.
Tyler O’Neill, Cardinals. Dude, we got Marco for you. Thank you Jerry. 1.3 WAR in only 120 AB, huge future ahead of him, many fans on Lookout Landing still pissed about this one. Maybe some day, Tyler. Not this year. You’re amazing, but… Still. Marco. Come on. Marco.
Let’s do this. Smart money may be on the Yankees, but who cares for smart money. This is baseball, man. Stop thinking so much. The sentimental money is on Eric Thames. Play ball.
I’d like to wait until March to cast my vote. Leaning toward Haninger.
Hey Riverdog, remember when Lookout Landing proposed a Mariners roster of 25 Dan Vogelbachs? With the caveat that it was strictly dreaming, cuz y’know we’d never just up and trade Paxton and Cano, yeah they actually said that. So who knows. 25 Large Adult Sons starting to look pretty good, right?